Teaching Guide: "Partner Guidelines for Supporting Neurodivergent Solitude Needs"

Objective:

Equip partners, friends, and family with actionable, compassionate strategies to support a neurodivergent loved one’s need for solitude—especially during meltdowns/shutdowns. Foster mutual understanding while preventing resentment.

Therapist Script (Read Aloud to Supporters):

*"Supporting someone who needs emergency solitude isn’t about ‘fixing’ them—it’s about creating safety. These guidelines will help you:

Respond without taking it personally 🛡️
Provide practical support during/after meltdowns 🤝
Balance their needs with your own boundaries ⚖️

This is a team effort, not a one-way sacrifice. Your needs matter too 💙."*

Psychoeducation for Supporters:

1. What Your Partner Experiences During Meltdowns/Shutdowns 🧠⚡

Neurological overwhelm: Their brain is in survival mode (like a computer crashing).
Physical pain: Noise, touch, or light may literally hurt.
Communication shutdown: Words often fail—this isn’t rejection.

Key Insight: Solitude isn’t avoidance—it’s first aid.

2. How to Help: Do’s & Don’ts 🤗

Do ✅	Don’t ❌	Why
Respect pre-negotiated signals (e.g., hand gesture, code word)	Demand explanations mid-crisis	Explanations require cognitive effort they don’t have
Offer silent presence (if wanted) or give space	Try to ‘cheer them up’ or problem-solve	This adds sensory/emotional load
Text instead of call (post-crisis)	Take their need for space personally	It’s about regulation, not rejection
Ask how to help before crises	Assume what worked last time will work now	Needs vary by situation

3. Supportive Phrases vs. Unhelpful Ones 🗨️

Helpful:

"Take the time you need—I’m here when you’re ready."
"Do you want space or quiet company?"
"No rush to respond. Just checking in."

Unhelpful:

"But we barely saw you this week!" (Guilt-tripping)
"What’s wrong now?" (Invalidating)
"You’re overreacting." (Dismissing)

Practice Tools for Supporters:

1. "How to Help" Cheat Sheet 📋

During Crisis:

Step back unless asked to stay
Turn off lights/music if possible
Use pre-arranged nonverbal cues (e.g., thumbs-up = "I’m here if you need me")

Post-Crisis:

Wait for them to initiate contact
Offer water/food without pressure
Ask: "Would a hug, space, or distraction help most?"

2. Partner Self-Care Reminders 🌿

Their meltdown isn’t about you.
You’re allowed to feel frustrated—but process it later.
*Set your own boundaries too (e.g., "I can give space for 2 hours, then need a check-in").*

Joint Reflection Prompts (For Couples/Friends):

"What’s one thing I do that helps you feel supported during solitude? What’s one thing that unintentionally makes it harder?"
"How can we both get our needs met in this dynamic?"
"What’s a reassuring way to reconnect after time apart?"

Validation for Supporters:

"This is hard work. You’re not a bad partner for struggling with this—what matters is showing up with curiosity, not perfection 🌱."